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How to Keep Jealousy from Ruining Your Relationship

June 8, 2018 by

Sure, a certain level of jealousy is normal in a healthy relationship. Everyone gets jealous at one point or another in their lives and probably in their relationships as well.

However, if you’re causing conflict and picking fights with your partner about their ex shooting them a text on their birthday, it may be a red flag. The amount of jealousy in your relationship and your method of dealing with it will determine if it will lead to serious problems.

To prevent jealousy from ruining everything, here are a few things you can keep in mind next time you feel the need to search through social media for pictures of your partner’s ex.

1. Stop for a minute.

Before you really become jealous, take a breath. Jealousy is often due to your own perception of a situation instead of the truth. Rather than being reactive and confronting your partner when you?re annoyed, give your feelings some time to clear up. If it is still bothering you after you give it some time, bring it up to your partner in a healthy way so you can discuss the jealous feelings and move on.

2. Stop being offensive.

Instead of starting a confrontation and accusing your partner of doing something wrong, simply tell your partner how you?re feeling. Let them know how their actions affected you and own your feelings. Say something like, “When I noticed you checking out that other person, it left me feeling disrespected.” If your partner doesn’t become defensive, they are more likely to be understanding about how their actions impacted you.

3. Set some boundaries.

If you find that your partner always needs attention from other people and it is impacting your relationship, set some boundaries instead of getting jealous. Let your partner know that you want to be with someone who not only has a healthy sense of self, but also practices appropriate boundaries with their friendships. Decide what you are willing to tolerate and what you can’t and stick to it.

4. Consider the source of your jealousy.

Jealousy can often actually be about you and not the other person. What do your jealous tendencies say about you? Do you not think you are enough?

Sometimes, it makes complete sense to be jealous, but if you feel like your jealousy could actually be a result of your own insecurities, make it a point to address this. Talk to a therapist or a good friend to help you let go of your feelings of inadequacy.

5. Don’t let past relationships damage your current situation.

If you were cheated on in the past and you now have irrational jealous feelings, you might need to pay attention to your wounds from before. Instead of bringing old baggage into a new relationship, be honest with your partner about why it is difficult for you to cope when they are in contact with their ex.

6. Don’t give in to fear.

Jealousy is often the result of fear. When you start to feel jealous, it is important to remind yourself of everything that your partner does to make you feel loved and secure in your relationship. Make a conscious effort to think about the love that you get from your partner during a moment of jealousy instead of fueling the fear that you will lose them to another person.

7. Don’t forget to love yourself.

I think we all know that feeling jealous is very uncomfortable. It can actually be very easy to be hard on yourself when you start to feel jealous by thinking about all of the qualities that you don’t possess. But being hard on yourself during these times means that you are kicking yourself when you are already in a vulnerable place, which makes it much more difficult to get over.

Try to show yourself some extra love during these times. Tell yourself at least three compliments each day to help build your bucket of self-love. This will help you reassure yourself that you are good enough and you have no reasons to be jealous.

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